The Five Love Languages

Written by Vanessa Ong

1 July 2018

Have you ever thought of why your mom would never get tired of preparing meals for you everyday, and how your best friend never hesitates to hug you every time she sees you, but the both of them rarely ever say how much they love you? Perhaps you love words of encouragement but your mother and your best friend never write letters or cards for you. They sure love you, but why can’t they show that they do in a way that you would like? If you have come across this scenario far more than the number of times you can count with both hands, this theory is for you. Originated from a relationship book, The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman, it decodes the different ways in which we communicate with our loved ones. Dr. Chapman has observed that there are five universal ways to express our love. Through more than 30 years of couples’ counseling that he has done, he revealed that the five love languages are: Quality time, Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch and Receiving Gifts. If your love language is quality time, you prefer to express your love through spending one-on-one time with your loved ones. Uninterrupted time and focused conversations make you feel fulfilled and loved, creating intimacy between you and your loved ones. Creating special moments together, taking slow walks and having periods of time that are set apart just for you, definitely makes your day a whole lot better. Attention is after all, the rarest and purest form of generosity. If your love language is an act of service, actions speak louder than words for you. You tend to help your loved ones out on tasks that they were too busy to attend to. You just love to be physically there for them to lighten their daily workload. You never fail to show your care and love through your actions. Following through on tasks and making your requests an utmost priority are ways that makes you feel appreciated. If your love language is receiving gifts, your love is expressed through your thoughtfulness in giving gifts or gestures that are specifically tailored for them. Expressing gratitude through gift giving and receiving, gives (no pun intended) you a sense of adoration and warmth. Doesn’t matter if the gift was small, all that matters is that your loved ones have put in the thought and effort into picking a gift for you. It is the thought that counts! If your love language is physical touch, nonverbal communication is the most comfortable way for you to express your love. Using body language to emphasize love, physical affection is of priority to you. The compassionate touch of the hand, or an encouraging pat on the shoulder can really energize you and make you feel appreciated. Nothing says “I love you” like a tight, warm hug at the end of a long, hard day. If your love language is words of affirmation, you are especially attuned to the power of words. You understand how words can make or break someone, hence it has of a significant importance to you. You appreciate it when your loved ones take time out just to send loving, tender words to you. Words of encouragements, affirmations, and actively listening to you when you have a bad day are ways that makes you feel exceptionally loved. While each love language expresses its needs differently, all of them reflect the third stage of Maslow Hierarchy of Needs. Maslow (1943) stated that individuals must satisfy lower level needs before progressing on to meet the higher level needs. In the third stage, we crave for love and belongingness. Friendship, intimacy, trust, acceptance, receiving and giving affection are all part of our needs to love and be loved (McLeod, 2017). The acknowledgement that we have different ways of giving and receiving love makes us more aware of the needs of our loved ones. In conclusion, understanding your partner’s love language definitely allows you to speak in their love language better. While having the same love language makes expressing and receiving love easier in a relationship, having different ones doesn’t undermine your relationship. Understanding the different love languages has far-reaching benefits beyond a couple’s relationship as well. For example, even if you thrive on words of affirmation, you will reach out to your best friend in a way that she will feel loved upon by learning her love language. In this case, physical touch, such as a hug, will make her feel better in times of comfort. While we tend to favor one language more than the others, the others would still be able to make us feel loved as each of the love languages fulfill our different needs. Even if you are not a fan of receiving and giving gifts, when you do receive a thoughtful gift on special occasions such as birthdays and anniversaries, it will make you feel loved too. So take this theory out for a spin and be more receptive to the needs of your loved ones; your relationships will definitely flourish! REFERENCES:

1. Maslow, A. H. (1943). A theory of human motivation. Psychological review, 50(4), 370.

2. McLeod, S. A. (2018, May 21). Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Simply psychology: https://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html