How do we set healthy boundaries?
- Publicity PSYSOC
- May 30, 2023
- 3 min read
Written by Ash Tiwari
Vetted by Dr Reena, Dr Thomas Saltsman
Written on 28 May 2023
Published on 30 May 2023
What are boundaries?
Ever felt overwhelmed or affected by others around you with a helpless feeling? Setting healthy boundaries might just do the trick. According to Buck (2015), a psychological boundary is like an intangible and protective barrier that protects your personal thoughts, feelings, values, or desires that matter to you. As such, boundaries give us a better understanding of your social and emotional needs by assessing what matters to you most. Here are some tips on how you can set healthy boundaries.
How can we set boundaries?
Firstly, you can set boundaries by recognizing what is most important to yourself. Such importance may derive from some factors in your life such as having autonomy in what you choose to do, having a developed self-identity, and maintaining good emotional health (Selva, 2022). Hence, it is also essential that you are aware of what you choose to surround yourself or occupy your time with. Here’s an example, say you do not find intrinsic value in going to the club every weekend for drinks. However, due to the peer pressure you face from your friends who urge you to go, you allow them to cross your boundaries and succumb to their pressure. Hence, it is imperative at some point that it will come to your awareness that you are spending a lot of time and resources on an activity which you do not ultimately find important or valuable.
You also need to be clear about your boundaries so that those around you can understand them as well. When people around you understand your boundaries, they are more likely to respect them. Speak to the people around you if they overstep your boundaries, explain to them why it is important to you and give them a chance to work within the boundaries. As these boundaries are set, you are then able to work with yourself better and handle the challenges you face in life more effectively. Either way, the benefits of setting boundaries are usually positively correlated with your mental well-being over time.
Boundaries can be set in almost every aspect of your life - in a professional setting or your own close and personal relationships. After all, the purpose of a boundary - just like a physical boundary - is to ensure that there is space between your sense of individuality and the world around you (Peterson, 1998). As you are able to be in touch more with your thoughts, feelings and emotions, the boundaries you set will provide you with greater clarity on your needs. It is with this clarity that you are then better at making decisions and managing your actions.
How does it help?
Therefore, healthy boundaries are set when boundaries are firm in what you believe in and learn that it is okay to say ‘No’. It is perfectly normal to set boundaries as they protect you and your identity. You should never be apologetic for the healthy boundaries you set for the betterment of your mental well-being. Through a better understanding of yourself, you are henceforth more capable of facing and overcoming the challenges you face in life. It also puts you in a much better position to be the best version of yourself!
References
Connections, W. L. (n.d.). Establishing effective personal boundaries. Establishing Effective
Personal Boundaries Vanderbilt Faculty & Staff Health and Wellness
How to set healthy boundaries: 10 examples + PDF worksheets. PositivePsychology.com.
(2022, March 28).
Peterson, E. (1998). Maintaining healthy boundaries in professional relationships: A
balancing act. Home care provider.
